THE WORLD IS evolving; it’s only a question of time before my generation’s men will be bred out of existence. But our legacy of fundamental strengths, values, and self-compassion, will be remembered as tools for life.
People say that I am hard on my sons because I make no allowances, openly encourage their confident masculinity, and tell them to never be scared of independent thought. I am not a pub-going beer-swilling neanderthal, but I do not want my sons to conform to the new social paradigm. My brothers and I were raised by a single-parent mother who ruled the roost with an iron fist. She was the leader – our Queen – and made no bones about wanting her sons to be ‘Manly Males’ yet still respect all women in the same way she taught us to respect her.
My eyes are wide open, and I believe we should live in a more gender-equal society, neither do I see it as a threat to undermine men’s rights. But at the same time, I was taught to be chivalrous from Day One.
I asked my friend and former Army Major, David Labouchere; “If you were in battle and there was an injured female soldier to your right and an injured male soldier to your left, who would you rescue?” He immediately said, “The female soldier because it is innate in all men to protect the woman.”
Men have biochemical experience based on testosterone. Our biological make-up makes us physically stronger than women. Men have greater muscle mass, stronger ligaments, tendons and bones. Yet, women are better survivors than men – emotionally and intellectually.
For young men, the subject of innate differences between the sexes is not discussed. So, is it time to redefine masculinity? Is there anything wrong with wanting to be the protector, procreator, and provider? Not all men are preoccupied with success; I belong to myself first and secondly to my profession. The women I know are proud of a man who has physical strength, self-confidence and entrepreneurial spirit.
What is going on? I despair when I see ‘the effeminates’ like Harry Styles on Vogue magazine’s cover wearing a dress! No wonder some young men are so uncertain of their position, role, or purpose within the male/female context that they don’t know who they are. We live in a time where the redefining of young men is causing them to struggle with their identity. They call him a progressive male – I call it the emasculation of what it is to be instinctively male.
‘Manly’ Guide
Be the hero – know how to fix things and do not take longer than her to get dressed.
Stand for Something: Most women love a man who stands for something, is decisive and takes responsibility for his actions. We’re not talking about being a dictator or bully.
Show her Love and Attention – When you walk along the road, always walk on the outside. This under-used gentlemanly trait comes from times past, when, if a woman walked on the outside, and remain under the overhanging building’s balcony, she would risk a chamber pot being emptied on her head. It also kept her away from the open sewers so the waste would not splash onto her dress by a passing carriage. Keep that sense of chivalry alive – please open the door for her, and cherish her.
Have a Purpose – Women tend to love men with a rugged appeal who compete, get active, get sweaty and dirty; she will say you stink but will still love your manly smell.
Big Boys Don’t Cry: That’s your woman’s terrain. For sure, you can have the occasional blub – a welling up, lump in the throat. But be a man – with stoic pride.
Don’t pretend to understand women – or be like one. Have your space – mine is my motorcycle and football banter with my mates.
Some women will disagree with all the above, but deep down they want to be loved by a man who isn’t ineffectual at the first sign of challenge. Be comfortable in your skin, embrace your feelings, and be true to yourself – stand for something and walk your path.
