I THOUGHT IT might be too personal and too raw for Josh to share with the World, yet, as Features Editor, I felt it was important to explore the reality of bereavement, in the knowledge that everyone reading this would be able to relate to it in some form. I am glad that Josh has a generous heart and understands that his story can help others appreciate what a positive impact the process can have on a person in the long-term.
“My Dearest Son-in-Law, Mohammad Fofana (1981- 2021) has tragically passed away…
Although he was only in my life for a couple of years, I grew to love him and he became part of my Family . His sudden passing hit me really hard. However now, although I’m still grieving, I’m focused on staying strong for all those that cared for him. It’s been said: ‘where there is a why there is a how‘, and there are enough whys to patch up my Spirits, raise my head up, keep wiping my occasional tears and make sure my Grandchildren never forget their Dearest Dad. Throwing one up there for you Mo – to the Big Guy in the Sky. Shabbat Shalom.”
Grief comes to us all, and the way we deal with it and how we come out of it at the other end is what shapes who we are today. There can be very few people who have reached their 40s or 50s without experiencing the profound feeling that is grief.
In 1969 Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist, hypothesised that that grief could be divided into five stages, and while it was originally devised for people who were terminally ill, these stages of grief have been adapted for other experiences of loss.
Not everyone experiences the stages in the same order, or goes through each stage separately, but most will feel them to some degree. They are:
- Shock and denial.
- Pain and guilt
- Anger and bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
‘As the water shapes itself to the vessel that contains it, so a wise man adapts himself to circumstances.’
Confucius
The point of acceptance is the upward turn on the scale of grief – the anger and pain have died down, and you’re left in a more calm and relaxed state. That is when you can begin to put pieces of your life back together and start to move forward.
That acceptance and hope is where we strive to get to in so many situations. It is intrinsic to the nature of the Super-A – to have developed the resilience to absorb the daily punches we are thrown; to know that wisdom comes out of adversity.
One of the most amazing parts of the process is how we naturally don’t try to work through it all in isolation. Whether it is family, friends or a team, the value of sharing is one of the most powerful forces to move you forwards. Being honest and saying what you feel, right now, has to be the way to go – what is the point in waiting, in holding back, when nothing in the future is guaranteed?
All through my life -whatever challenges I’ve faced – I’ve always been blessed to be in the well-being profession, and what I’ve found is when you help others heal their injuries – whether those are emotional or physical in nature – you simultaneously strengthen your own mind and body.
So, entering my 66th year on this planet, I know that you can take your pain and turn it into positive energy, and I am definitely in the gratitude zone today.
