MY JOURNEY BEGAN when I was 39, when I was four years out of an abusive relationship and when my self-esteem was zero. Boobs were in fashion, and I thought getting a breast implant would be the boost I needed.
I researched and found a surgeon who had great reviews and came recommended, so I booked myself in, had the consultation, and got them done. Of course, I was pleased with the outcome – they looked great, my clothes fitted better, bikinis looked fabulous on me, and I/they created a lot of attention.
No one tells you the complications that can occur and that certain types of breast implants can cause auto-immune disease, inflammatory syndrome, and BII (breast implant illness). Then a big scandal hit: a French company had filled their implants (PIPS) with industrial silicone, which was a problem for many (but not all) women. Unfortunately, I discovered that I had those very implants and, not only that, but my right one had ruptured.
I went back to see my Surgeon, who had not told me that I had PIPs, and he confirmed that it had ruptured. I booked in to have my implants removed, though at only 49 was not ready to have no boobs – I had got used to how I looked – and couldn’t imagine not having them. Working in the fitness industry, my image was a big deal. Also, as a personal trainer teaching Pilates and yoga, I looked after my health, so I was shocked to think I had a potentially toxic type of implant in my body. I still have silicone in the lymph glands under my arm that cannot be removed.
I also found out that a solicitor in France had taken on the case for many women with PIPs, involving them in a very long and drawn-out legal process. Ten years on, despite the case being won, no one has seen any compensation.
About a year ago, I discovered that my newer implants (to replace the original ones) have now been recalled as evidence that they could cause cancer! I was so shocked and started looking at the latest research on BII, I joined a group on FB called “Breast Implant Illness” and found that thousands of women were having problems. BII uniquely impacts each individual. Symptoms can include joint and muscle pain, chronic fatigue, memory and concentration issues, breathing difficulties, sleep disturbance, rashes and skin problems, dry mouth and eyes, anxiety, depression, headaches, hair loss, gastrointestinal upsets, etc.
I started getting pain in my right breast, so I went and saw my Surgeon with my concerns about the implants’ recall. He was not particularly interested in helping me and told me that I would hate my body if I removed them. He finally agreed to take out the implants but not the capsule, which is the part the body often reacts badly to. He told me I would need an uplift which would cause heavy scarring and all to the tune of £10.000. By now, I had no doubt I wanted my implants removed completely, and another surgeon carried this out in September 2020.
The surgery lasted for three and half hours due to the way the implants had adhered to my soft tissue and because I had a full capsulectomy. Afterwards, I was very sore and so scared about how I was going to look. It is a huge ordeal physically and mentally but do I regret it?
I had at least 5 of the symptoms of BII, which have all gone since having my implants removed. I have learnt to love my more petite boobs. They aren’t perfect, but then whose body is perfect? We all see the ‘perfect’ images in magazines, on TV and social media, implying how we should look and feel and that if we look perfect, we will have the ideal relationship, the perfect friends and perfect life. Having fake boobs didn’t bring me any of that! I love my imperfect self and getting back my health, and now I am starting to love myself and my body. My boobs are soft and warm – they may look imperfect, they are perfect to me. I am not in a relationship as I attracted toxic men with my unhealthy boobs. So, here’s to a future relationship with a loving man who will love me for me. Love YOU.
Take care of yourself. And love your imperfections.
