I HAVE A FRIEND who was struggling to come to terms with the fact her dad had developed dementia and, being the ‘dutiful’ daughter, made sure she gave him more of her time, while he was still his own person.
He had a spell in hospital and, just as he was discharged, Covid took over our world. He contracted it, so she had to stay in isolation with him, away from her husband! What really shocked her was that her husband was resentful that she had put herself in that situation, and she saw a new side to her beloved partner. It only got worse when, sadly, her father died and husband failed to provide any emotional support and, out of a somewhat misplaced fear of catching Covid himself, refused to go to his father-in-law’s funeral or support his grieving wife.
Eventually she moved back home, undertaking all the usual ‘wifely’ duties, but couldn’t shake off the feeling of betrayal at the callous lack of support from ‘hubby’. After weeks apart, he had taken it upon himself to move into the spare room, so she felt even more isolated. She simply did not know how to react when he too became unwell with the classic symptoms yet remained adamant, he did not have the virus. He did not contact a doctor, and she hardly dare suggest he get tested for the virus. He recovered from it as if nothing had ever happened.
I am sure there are elements of that situation that resonate with many partners during this time. We are all under extraordinary pressure, whether we recognise or admit to it or not, but it will manifest itself in ways that could very easily undermine our normal matrimonial harmony. We have all had to spend more time together, we have had to change our priorities – putting other members of the family way ahead of our nearest and dearest, and there is a price to be paid. Call me cynical but, honestly, who believes that there isn’t a child-like or selfish streak within even the most angelic spouse!
In order to weather the resulting emotional battles, it is important to think and feel what is happening beneath the surface. More often than not, basic emotions like fear and jealousy are the driving force. If there is an underlying issue with the whole relationship, then the current situation is the perfect catalyst to manifest doubts and worries about the strength and durability of the partnership.
Total honesty is now one of the most important attributes to capitalise on – keeping all the channels of communication – face to face, text, body language – completely open so you can remain true to yourself and, therefore, to your partner. If your situation has spiralled downwards beyond the point of open honesty, then think what you can do to redress the balance – whether that might be to write an open letter, talk to a therapist, or seek to get your partner to engage in some joint counselling.
The best thing about the worst time in a relationship is that, if you can come through it, you will be better friends and will have built a stronger, deeper bond to take you beyond the age of the pandemic.
#MADEINFITNESS
